...personal.struggle

"As the author of the Theologia Germanica says, we may come to love knowledge—our knowing—more than the thing known: to delight not in the exercise of our talents but in the fact that they are ours, or even in the reputation they bring us. Every success in the scholar’s life increases this danger. If it becomes irresistible, he must give up his scholarly work. The time for plucking out the right eye has arrived."

(C. S. Lewis, “Learning in War-Time,” in The Weight of Glory and Other Addresses, p. 50.)

this is personally my greatest struggle and deepest fear.

i love knowledge. i love theology. i love debate. i love philosophy. i love people. i also love tacos.

the problem with those things that draw us closer to God, is they can easily become gods if we pursue them above God.

it is much easier to invest in those things we can measure our growth in. i had 2 kids in my youth group last year, and i have 35 this year... i cussed out my wife every day last year, now i only cuss out my dog... i read the Bible once a week, but now i'm reading it every day...

it's goal oriented. measurable.

God is a Being. a person. with emotion, thoughts, feelings... without intentionally thinking about Him as a being, it is easy to see Him as a three-step formula to success or a mystical mantra that you have to pray a certain way or as a ministry that must be maintained or simply as the acquisition of biblical knowledge.

the problem with goods things--morality, knowledge, ministry--is they can easily take the place of God. they are so much easier to maintain and boast about then a relationship with a Being. "i ain't smoked a cig in 15 years!" "i've never drank, chewed, or cussed!" our relationship with God is not something we can define quantitatively. it's not something we can measure. i can't be "better" at it than you.

knowledge is far more rewarding to my ego.

it reminds me of the church at laodecia. they were a hip, cool church following all the right programs. they probably had a silly, limp-wristed worship leader with a powerpoint projector flashing animated backgrounds while he sang prom-songs to Jesus. they probably had a preacher who was really relevant and knowledgable and looked directly into the camera while speaking so you felt like he was talking to you. he probably sat in a comfy chair and crossed one leg--but not his arms--while preaching, so as not to appear threatening. they really thought they were big stuff.

"You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing. But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." (rev. 3:17)

sometimes we mistake our success for God's blessings.

i always used to hear tent-revival, altar-call preachers yell about this passage. they would scream about Jesus standing outside of my heart's door like a gentleman, hoping i would be as kind as to let Him in.

really, it's about a church that locked out Jesus.

they're singing sappy praise songs, studying big words, and talking about their building fund... and Jesus is locked outside wanting to come in...

*knock knock knock*

hey! can i come in? i've got some great ideas! i'm on your team!

*knock knock knock*

"hey guys! it's Jesus! i like church! let me in!"

the problem is this church didn't like Jesus. they liked christianity... they liked knowledge. they liked theology. they liked their little religion game that made them feel better about themselves. letting Jesus in would not fit into their program... He might ask them to come over for dinner after the service(v.20b)--and that would take way too much time... besides, Jesus is way too controversial(v.19), He could totally ruin their image...

i continually have to empty myself of all longings that do not flow FROM my desire to treasure Christ supremely above all things. love for anything apart from God, that does not flow from God is in vain. idolatrous. when i do youth ministry because i love the kids. when i read the Bible because i love theology. when i repent because it makes me feel better. idolatry.

paul seasons most of his writings with the telling phrase "in Christ."

all of our desires must be grounded in a passion for the Glory of Christ in all things. i preach to kids because i desire that they make much of His name, i read the Bible so that i might know Him and the power of His resurrection, i repent because i have ceased to live for His Glory and desire to be fashioned deeper into His Image.

yet my tendency is to love those lesser things.

no wonder Jesus said we must pick up our crosses, deny ourselves, and follow Him daily.